Be Good to Your Elf - by Elizabeth Coldwell

But Are Elves Erotic?

So how can an elf be sexy? Aren’t you more likely to come across as silly? That’s what Maddie, the heroine of my MuseItHOT! story Be Good To Your Elf, thought when she first pulled on the costume she was expected to wear in Santa’s Grotto. The tights might be flattering to a girl (or a guy) with good legs, but the hat with the bell on it?

It’s true that if you were choosing a costume to wear for a spot of sexy roleplaying, one of Santa’s elves might not come too high on your list. High fantasy elves are a different matter. The films in the Lord Of The Rings trilogy presented them as athletic, armour-clad warriors fighting against unimaginable evil. Casting Orlando Bloom as Legolas the elf provided eye candy for female viewers who might not otherwise be persuaded to sit through several hours of epic battles, Hobbits in peril and talking trees. It wouldn’t be at all surprising if a character like that persuaded you to unleash your inner elf.

Santa’s elves, however, don’t usually come with heroic overtones. We’ve become much more used to them as comic relief in a story, sitting at an assembly line in Santa’s Workshop putting together Christmas toys. Look at Dudley Moore, who helped to define the concept of the comedy elf in our minds when he played Patch in Santa Claus. Or, more recently, Will Ferrell as Buddy, the human raised by elves at the North Pole in Elf. Not exactly handsome or heroic characters, you might think. But in real life, Dudley Moore often described himself as a ‘sex thimble’, in reference to his diminutive stature, and attracted a string of beautiful wives with his looks, wit and charm (and possibly his bank balance). And good-natured Buddy may initially come across as a loser, but he wins the heart of Zooey Deschanel – who, it has to be said, looks pretty saucy in her elf attire. Looking at it in that light, slipping into tights and a tunic doesn’t necessarily mean you’re no longer going to be regarded as a potential bedmate.

Maddie initially manages to overcome her selfconsciousness about dressing as an elf because she reckons she won’t bump into anyone she knows, all her friends having gone home for the holidays. It also helps that she very quickly meeets Tyler, a divorced dad who’s also working at the grotto and who is all man beneath his brightly coloured costume. And when she relaxes, immersing herself in the magic of Christmas, it no longer matters how she’s dressed. She and Tyler make an erotic connection, and soon fate is presenting her with the opportunity to spend the holidays in his loving arms.

So while vampires may seem more mysterious, pirates more dashing and Vikings more dominant, don’t overlook the charm of the humble elf. After all, wouldn’t you want to spend time with someone who hands out all the best presents?