Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Welcome, Bonella Sticks



1. Bonella, darling, you're looking lovelier than usual. Is that a new shade of makeup or were you always that pale?

Listen...DAHLING...stop looking at yourself and confusing me with you. I have a grey hue and you're one ugly looking white paste.
 2. Oh, sweetie, you better get your mirror cleaned. You couldn't get any whiter. Well you  do look kind of dirty white.  So you've not been around much this October. You must be mellowing - or is it that you're spending more time with your boyfriend?

Slim Ribber and I have been busy...waiting to see your new dorky hosts make asses out of themselves but they seem to have disappeared. Seems to me your fearless nutcase of a publisher has dropped the ball on you guys and left you hostless this month.
3. No, I've not seen them either. Something tells me you had something to do with that. Obviously our fearless leader knows we can handle things without a hosts or she would  have replaced them. Tell us, dear, how are you two getting along? Are things progressing satisfactorily? Not that it matters you have eternity to land him.


Why, curious for some L O V E tips from Dear Bonella?
4. LOVE tips from Bonella - hey you can start your own column. (Ro hides her smirk behind her hand - like everyone would read that)  Okay, tell us, sweetie, what did you do in the real world before you went off to zombie  land.


Actually, it's not zombie land, freako, it's the underworld. I think, speak, and...well...more than zombies. And after you've been in my side of the world, heck if I remember to be honest...yeah yeah, shut up, I can be honest at times.
5.  So you didn't answer my question. Guess you weren't much of anything in the real world.  Okay, we're all curious.  When you're not scaring small children and puppies, what do you do for fun and entertainment?


Um...that IS my entertainment.
6. I should have known you wouldn't ever do anything worthwhile. Hey sweetie, you're looking exceptionally bony tonight.  How much does your stylist charge for that electric shock permanent and how long does it take your manicurist to put those tiny little skeletons on your black fingernails and toenails?  And how does she get them so black?

You are a curious reporter...beginning to think you want all of my beauty secrets for yourself...so bite me.

7. Darn, I was so hoping to get my nails done like yours.  Everyone is wondering what dreadful thing in your life or death turned you into such an ornery cuss? Course if I looked like you, guess I'd be ornery too.

There you go, just when I thought you had some sort of an ugly bone you decide to be all cutsie on me and try to diss me. Listen, Miss White Paste, in death nothing good follows you down here. So the teacher I used to be...now teaches what was tossed at me, dish it at me and I'll dish it back at you.
7. Wow, testy! What traumatic experience makes you prowl the earth?

Who the hell says I'm prowling? I'm in your face, up close and personal, I don't go hiding and doing a Casper BOO like a chicken shit. Grow up, woman, and stop placing your qualities onto me.

8.  You're cracking me up. We'd all like to know what  Lea ever did to you that you carry such a grudge?  And was it in this life or a past one?  I mean, you're not jealous or anything are you? Fess up -- you really want to be a published writer, don't you, and Lea told you to re-write and submit again! Or did she outright reject your manuscript


Let me tell you one thing and use your imaginations...have you ever heard of the expression DUAL PERSONALITY? Now go mull that over for a spell.
9. Uh oh, me thinks I'm not going to like to mull that over too much. Bonella, inquiring minds want to know.  Tell us about the loves of your life, I mean, lives.  And er, death? Oh wait, maybe there weren't any and you were a frustrated old maid and that's why you're so ornery.


Did you mean ornery, or simply forgot to add the H? hehehehehehehehehe Current love is Slim Ribber, has and always will be...no choice...did him in during our time on earth now I'm stuck with that love pact.


May I add that this interview showed me a lot about you...that you secretly conspire to be my mirror image. Here, take my broken mirror...saves you the money to buy a new one and bust it up when your image shocks it anyway.


Awe, gee, that's really sweet of you, but I'd rather break my own. 

11 comments:

Roseanne Dowell said...

Sure glad Bonella decided to make an appearance. Hope everyone enjoys her interview.

Larion aka Larriane Wills said...

ummm i'd be willing to be she wasn't any nicer before she joined the underworld.

gail roughton branan said...

I think that's a good guess, Larion! Ro, you stood firm, held the high ground and did us Musers proud!

Ginger Simpson said...

Bonella "did Slim" in life and now she's stuck with him? Nothing like a bad lay to make a woman cranky. Obviously Slim isn't the lover he needed to be. Me thinks Bonella is in need of someone with experience, although I'm not sure who would touch something as ugly as her. Pity, she's stuck in hell for eternity with no relief in sight. Frustration is the pits, I suppose.

Karen Cote said...

Ro, you sure had some great lines in there. I actually felt a little sorry for Bonella. I had to admit to a few chuckles, however. Sometimes her crabbiness takes on a little bit of charm. Funny how that works, isn't it.

This is a good reminder on who not to loan your compact to. Not if you don't want the mirror to crack, that is.

Great job in kicking but. Poor Slim. He had my eternal sympathy the moment Bonella said the words, "I did him..."

lionmother said...

Great interview, Ro. You really stuck it to Bonella and imagine her having a guy friend. Yuck!! Well maybe it has softened her. Though she still sounds like she would like to tear us all in half. Anyway she needs a broken mirror so she won't' scare herself when she looks at her awful image.:)

J Q Rose said...

Wow--you are a brave woman as well as a great writer..I giggled a lot at this interview. Glad it was you and not me facing Bonella. I'm a wimp.

Bonella Sticks said...

BONELLA: Grow up...on second thought...you perverts misunderstood my 'did him in' comment...I killed the poor son of a gun while on earth and now stuck with him so it's love 'im or love 'im...not DID HIM as you morons pictured. GET A LIFE!! and I'll gladly take it from you.

gail roughton branan said...

We understood perfectly darlin'. But you play, you pay. We just all commiserate that the momentary satisfaction of doing him stuck you with him for eternity. Something for us all to remember when we're pushed near the edge of violence and tempted to give in to our fantasies of actually giving men what they usually deserve. Though we should be thanking you for the warning, huh? So hold strong guys! Don't give in to the temptation! Offing him just ain't worth it. Sigh.

gail roughton branan said...

We understood perfectly darlin'. But you play, you pay. We just all commiserate that the momentary satisfaction of doing him stuck you with him for eternity. Something for us all to remember when we're pushed near the edge of violence and tempted to give in to our fantasies of actually giving men what they usually deserve. Though we should be thanking you for the warning, huh? So hold strong guys! Don't give in to the temptation! Offing him just ain't worth it. Sigh.

Roseanne Dowell said...

Well now we know what makes the scraggly one so mean. Lord to be stuck for all eternity with someone we disliked enough to kill. Ha! There's justice for you. Couldn't have happened to a nicer (snicker) person. Sounds like you were just as mean in real life. Can you say "B"