when you're having fun. Or so I've heard. Not sure about the having fun part, but time sure is going by swiftly. Seems the older I get the quicker it goes.
I remember being a little girl and time dragged. I couldn't wait to be thirteen - a teenager and then it was twenty-one - a full blown adult.
Of course back then I thought everyone in their thirties was old, forties and fifties were ancient. I couldn't comprehend anyone in their sixties.
Funny, as I've aged how young thirty seemed - still does. Now I think people in their seventies are young.
Of course there are some benefits to aging. You get to see your children marry and have their own kids - watch them grow. If you're really blessed, like I am, you get to see your grandchildren marry and have kids. My oldest granddaughter just gave birth to her second child - a beautiful baby girl, Madalynn Rose - the Rose part is after me. When she first told me the name, I was overwhelmed. That one of my grandchildren would think enough of me to give their child part of my name did things to my insides I'd never experienced before.
I'll never forget when her mother, my oldest child was born. The feeling of pride and fear I had when I first looked at her. Here was a child who totally depended on me for everything. Was I up to the task? I vowed to be the best mother in the world. I'm not sure I lived up to that role. When I look back there so much I see that I could have done differently. But I did the best I could.
The feeling didn't lessen when my other children were born. In fact, I think the fear increase. Oh, I knew I could provide what the shelter and food they needed, but could I provide the right amount of discipline, the right amount of emotional support? I loved them, there was no doubt about that. I just hoped I could convey that love to them and still raise them to grow into independent men and women.
I accomplished that because they've all grown into wonderful men and women with families of their own. But, I still look back and wonder, could I have done something different? Been less strict? Shown more support? I guess we all doubt ourselves, but we do the best we can. And then we're blessed with grandchildren and now great grandchildren. I pray I live long enough to see them all married. My grandchildren range from two to twenty-nine. Will I live to see the two year old grown? I hope so.